Women who surrender their babies to adoption have a very difficult time getting on with their lives. Some of the
problems women face after the separation of their children include such things as unresolvable grief, relationship difficulties,
and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. The pain of the loss can become so unbearable, that it can even lead to suicide.
There is the tendency that is growing out of the demand for babies to regard unmarried mothers as
breeding machines as a way of securing babies for quick adoptions.
Exiled mothers believed what "The Experts" - those in the adoption industry, told them, that they would forget thir babies
and that adoption would be painless.
There is evidence that suggests that the experience of relinquishment causes a high risk of psychological disability in
women. Research indicates that the actual disability may not diminish years of even decades later.
Consequences of the effects of relinquishment of the child on the mother:
1. Althought it might be considered "voluntary" most relinquishing mothers feel that relinquishment is their only choice
in the face of financial hardship, pressure from family, professionals and the social stigma of illegitimacy.
2. The child continues to exist and grow while being inaccessable to the mother and will one day reunite with them.
The reunion fantasy makes it impossible to say good-bye with a sense of finality. This causes chronic long lasting grief.
3. Lack of knowledge of the child causes the development of all kinds of disturbing fantasies such as the child being dead
or ill or the child hating the relinquishing parent(s). This leads to tremendous guilt on the part of the mother.
4. Women see their efforts to gain information about their child as being blocked by an uncaring bureaucracy. Confidential
files are kept "just out of reach." Because of this, the anger associated with the relinquishment is kept alive and
refocused on those who come between the mother and the child.
Feelings of sadness and depression were seen as "the most intense ever experienced" at the time the child was relinquished.
Anger was also seen as being very intense. Only 33% of those studied said that their anger decreased over time, and
over half the women said their anger increased.
Almost all women who were studied said they did not receive enough support or help from family, friends or professionals.
Many women tured to alcohol or some seditive medication to help them cope after relinquishment. Almost all women said
they had bottled up their feelings and withdrawing to cover up their distress. One third of the women sought professional
A View of Open Adoption
Open adoption has supposedly elevated the mother's status in some ways, but the injustice of adoption is still very wide
spread. Would-be adopters and social workers still have an image of the "typical" first mother, and they look down on
her in smug condescension. They think they are resequing the poor confused dear and expect her to be grateful to their
charity of their "saving" her child from a life that is not solidly middle class or a family that is not a two parent family.
Personally, I could NEVER be grateful to CPS or the adoters for what happened in my own case. As far as I'm concerned
they didn't "save" my son. They are only hurting him in the long run!
Even after two decades of a progression towards open adoption, mothers still pay. They pay every time someone says
that their child is lucky to have found a good family (i.e. to be away from us?) They pay when coworkers ask in disbelief,
"How could you have given away your baby?" They pay dearly on Mother's Day, and they pay everytime they are asked, "Do
you have any children?"
Adoption is a disgrace. It is an industry not geared toward "the best interests of the child" but toward serving
people who think they have a God-given right to add a child into their home.