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Adoption Facts

Adoption Abuse

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This page deals with adoption in terms of it being abusive towards mothers and adoptees.  Adoption is a form of child abuse

Adoption is child abuse, slavery and rape all combined into one pretty package and marketed to wealthy infertile couples. 
Adoption is deemed a "loving option" by social workers and adoption agencies.  Adoption puts children at risk for many psychological problems that range in severity.  This may sound like love to those receiving the money within the adoption industry, but it should scream child abuse to anyone else.  Since the 1940s professionals have known of the damaging affects adoption has on both mothers and their children.  Psychologists and social workers have learned that no material advantage can make up for the loss of its own mother. 
The abuse that the adoptee suffers thoughout their lives comes in many forms.  As infants, they are separated from the only person they have ever known:  their mothers.  They are born into the world expecting to have the familiar scent of family and the warm voice they grew accustomed to in utero, and instead, they are handed over to strangers masquarating as "mommy" and "daddy."  Because of the severing of the child's most natural bond occurs at a time when the child cannot communicate his emotions and experiences, it is a trauma that will stay with him into adulthood.  Adopted people report to struggle with their identities as the legal lie that they are "as if born to" their adopters works better on paper than it does in the real world. 
Adoptees are more likely to be physically and sexually abused.  One fact that the adoption industry would love to ignore is the fact that children are more likely to be abused by people other than their true parents.  This is really common sense.  Mothers have the primial instinct to care for their children and to ensure the survival of their family trees.  For true families, a baby is not valuable for profit but is living proof of the connection of the past and the future.  Parents have the instinct to protect their children.
However, the abuse of the adopted child ins't the only crime against him.  Adoptees are stripped of their families, given new names and even false birth certificates make up a new generation of slaves in America.  Children are sold like miniture slaves.  Their birth records are alters to reflect the names of the adopters rather than their parents, and their true birth certificate is sealed away.  They are the only Americans who are denied to know their own name and the names of their parents. 
Some are abused, tortured and killed at the hands of those who claim to love them.  Once a person has been stripped of their rights, taken from their family, and forced into an uncomfortable lie, there is no such thing as being fortunate.  In their adopters homes, children are the ones who are expected to do the care taking, to compensate for the babies the adopters couldn't have, to fill the void in a marriage that has gone stale, or to guard the adopters from the harsh realities of the world.  Adoption's smallest victims become slaves to the lies that surround them.  Denied of their true parents whereabouts, they have nowhare to run.  And they know what is expected of them to be "as if born to" their adopters, to act out the role they were purchased to play. 
Since the 1950s fathers have been exhiled while mothers have been raped of their infants.  Their bodies have been used as incubators, and once their purpose has been served, they are expected to fade silently into the shadows.  Adoption is the punishment she "deserved" for getting caught in defiance of society's rules and morals.  Used, abused and discarded, these mothers have been raped of their children and their souls. 
The mother of adoption loss is not permitted to grieve.  She is told by the adoption professionals that she is "doing the best thing," the only thing to do, and if she truely loved her baby she would do it.  No one tells her the consequences of adoption for her or her child.  Noone mentions the grieving both will endure.  Instead she is told that she is "giving a gift" to an infertile couple, as if it is her responsibility to meet the demands of a barren stranger.  She is expected to quietly serve her purpose and then disappear. 
The tactics used to rape mothers of their babies vary.  The mother is not told how much money will change hands.  If she does become suspicious and tries to change her mind about adoption, she won't be left alone to care for her child.  Instead social workers and adopters pressure her when she is most vunerable, when she has just delivered and is groggy from medication, when they lie and tell her that she can't revoke the pre-birth consent that she signed, when they accuse her of being selfish for wanting her own baby.  Selfish!  Yet, the adopters standing with their wallets open, begging to take home soneone else's baby are regarded as saints. 
Once a mother has been raped of her child, she then goes through the trauma of being labeled by society as a "birth" mother, the drug-addicted, child-abusing tramp.  Yet she is none of those things.  Yet she is confronted with offensive language, labeling her a "birth" or a "biological" parent, disregarding her by tearing away her right to be regarded as the child's true mother.  Television presents stories of happy adoptees, and she will watch knowing that for every gloating adopter, there is a mother who grieves over the loss of her child.  Mother's Day will come and go, and while other mothers receive cards and home made gifts from their children, she recieves nothing.  At the mercy of the adoption industry, she gave away all her love and has only heartache to show for it. 

The Damage to Children

Adoption agencies, adoption lawyers and even charities have an agenda where adoption is concerned.  That agenda is to make money! Money for wages, expansion, and for buiness profit.

In order to be able to do this, they must convence the mother to rekinquish her baby so they can broker the baby to a paying customer for a fee.  The adoption agency might tell the mother that it is in the "best interest of the child."  DON'T BELIEVE THEM!  The thing that is in "the best interst of the child" is for the child to remain with his or her natural family!  Resourses are out there to help you keep your baby!

The Effects of Adoption on A Child:

The severe trauma of being separated from his or her mother will radiate through every aspect of the child's life.  The baby will experience the mother's loss as psychological death of his mother.  There will never be closure.

The baby will know the difference between the mother and the female adopter becasue the baby has bonded with his mother during the mother's pregnancy.  The baby knows the mother's scent and the mother's heartbeat.  The baby reaches for the smell of his mother's milk - not the adopters'.

The baby will feel abondoned by his mother, often resulting in a lifelong inability to trust anyone. This not being able to trust will effect the child all of his life.  It is understandable as to why a child who is adopted would not be able to trust anyone because of the fear of aboandonment.

The baby will always wonder why he wasn't kept by his mom and will blame himself for not being loveable enough to keep.  Many adult adopted people still carry this feeling inside and it affects their relationships with others.  The child may also feel guilty as if he did something that caused the mother to not want him. 

As the child grows up, he may feel like a misfit and will suffer from low self-esteem.  The child will feel like he doesn't belong anywhere and will feel very much alone.  He will feel like an outcast within the family who adopted him.

The child will think about his mother constantly.  This makes sense because the child longs for his mother and misses her terribly!  There is a wound there that can never be filled by anyone other than the mother!  This could cause the child to have trouble concentrating on his school work.  The child may be labeled a "dreamer" or a "bad student" which will harm his chances to succeed in life. 

the adopters might not understand the reason for the child's lack of concentration and this might cause him to be misdiagnosed as having Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD).  If misdiagnosed, the child will be forced to take medication he will not need.  My son's father has two other children who are also adopted.  His oldest son has been diagnosed as having ADD and was told it was genetic (I can't help but wonder if his son could have been misdiagnosed).


The child will loose his true identity while the adopters will try to force him to be like them.  The reason for this is so that the adopters won't be reminded that the child isn't really theirs.  The adopters would want the true traits that the child inherits from his family to go away.  The child will not be allowed to be himself. 

The child will have no sense of his past which will make it difficult to envision his future. 

The child may suppress his real feelings and live an emotionally-numb life in order to survive the tragedy of the separation from his mother compounded by his adoption.  (On a personal note:  I have had to live for years with this emotionally-numb type feeling not due to adoption issues but because I was abused and forced to keep my feelings and the abuse a "secret"  Secrets DESTROY people!  So does adoption!  Adoption and the effects of it is the biggest kept secret of all!

As the child becomes an adolescent he will have great difficulty establishing a sense of self because he will have no sense of his true history or heritage. 

As the child becomes an adult, he may have trouble choosing a career and a mate due to his fear of committment and abandonment.

The child's adopters may not acknowledge that raising an adopted child is different from raising a child of their own.  The adopters want to pretend that the child they raised is not adopted but their own child so they force the child to live a lie by wiping out his past and changing his name and forcing the child to become like the adopters rather than being allowed to be his own person. They will further burden the child by telling him that he should forget about his natural parents and be greatful that they adopted him and gave him a home because the natural parents did not.

Nothing anyone says or does can ever make up for the loss of the child's first family!

The mother will not be able to change the past and undo the lifelong adverse effects of adoption on her child!

Research to back this up!

"I believe that the connection established during the nine months in utero is a profound connection, and it is my hypothesis that the severing of that connection in the original separation of the adopted child from the birth mother causes a primal or narcissistic wound, which affects the adoptee's sense of Self and often manifests in a sense of loss, basic mistrust, anxiety and depression, emotional and/or behavioral problems, and difficulties in relationships with significant others."

It is difficult to face the fact that by definition every adopted child is an abandoned child, who has suffered a devastating loss. No matter that the adoptive parents call it relinquishment and the birth mother calls it surrender, the child experiences it as abandonment.

"  The trauma of being separated from the mother, therefore, results in patterns of behavior, emotional responses, and the sense of Self and others, which will be different from that which would have occurred had there been no trauma.

"  It can no longer be assumed that one can replace the biological mother with another "primary caregiver" without the child’s being both aware of the substitution and traumatized by it. The mother/infant bond takes many forms and the communication between them is unconscious, instinctual, and intuitive." 

Nancy Newton Verrier, Ph.D, "The Primal Wound"

Adoption Prejudice

There seems to be a definate prejudice against "birth" mothers not just in adoption circles but also in general.

An example is mothers will be told that they made a "good decision" by surrendering their child for adoption.  They don't have any idea what kind of mother that a woman who surrendered her child could be.  They assume that any child lost to adoption is better off.  They assume that all mothers who loose their children to adoption are bad, and at the same time they assume that all adopters are good. 

None of these assumptions are true.  Not all adopters are good at caring for the children they adopt; they are screwed up just like the rest of society.  Many women who lost their children to adoption turn out to be excellant mothers.  The prejudice against natural mothers who have lost their children to adoption does exist. 


The terms "birthmothers", "birthmoms" "birthparents" "birthmother" "birthmom" "birthparent""dear birthmother" "dear birthparent" are used on this page for search engine placement ONLY.  A mother is a mother not an object meant to be used as the source of a baby for adoption.