The Damage to Children
Adoption agencies, adoption lawyers and even charities have an agenda where adoption is concerned. That agenda is
to make money! Money for wages, expansion, and for buiness profit.
In order to be able to do this, they must convence the mother to rekinquish her baby so they can broker the baby to a paying
customer for a fee. The adoption agency might tell the mother that it is in the "best interest of the child."
DON'T BELIEVE THEM! The thing that is in "the best interst of the child" is for the child to remain with his or her
natural family! Resourses are out there to help you keep your baby!
The Effects of Adoption on A Child:
The severe trauma of being separated from his or her mother will radiate through every aspect of the child's life.
The baby will experience the mother's loss as psychological death of his mother. There will never be closure.
The baby will know the difference between the mother and the female adopter becasue the baby has bonded with his mother
during the mother's pregnancy. The baby knows the mother's scent and the mother's heartbeat. The baby reaches
for the smell of his mother's milk - not the adopters'.
The baby will feel abondoned by his mother, often resulting in a lifelong inability to trust anyone. This not being
able to trust will effect the child all of his life. It is understandable as to why a child who is adopted would not
be able to trust anyone because of the fear of aboandonment.
The baby will always wonder why he wasn't kept by his mom and will blame himself for not being loveable enough to keep.
Many adult adopted people still carry this feeling inside and it affects their relationships with others. The child
may also feel guilty as if he did something that caused the mother to not want him.
As the child grows up, he may feel like a misfit and will suffer from low self-esteem. The child will feel like he
doesn't belong anywhere and will feel very much alone. He will feel like an outcast within the family who adopted him.
The child will think about his mother constantly. This makes sense because the child longs for his mother and misses
her terribly! There is a wound there that can never be filled by anyone other than the mother! This could cause
the child to have trouble concentrating on his school work. The child may be labeled a "dreamer" or a "bad student"
which will harm his chances to succeed in life.
the adopters might not understand the reason for the child's lack of concentration and this might cause him to be misdiagnosed
as having Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD). If misdiagnosed, the child will be forced to take medication he will not
need. My son's father has two other children who are also adopted. His oldest son has been diagnosed as having
ADD and was told it was genetic (I can't help but wonder if his son could have been misdiagnosed).
The child will loose his true identity while the adopters will try to force him to be like them. The reason for this
is so that the adopters won't be reminded that the child isn't really theirs. The adopters would want the true traits
that the child inherits from his family to go away. The child will not be allowed to be himself.
The child will have no sense of his past which will make it difficult to envision his future.
The child may suppress his real feelings and live an emotionally-numb life in order to survive the tragedy of the separation
from his mother compounded by his adoption. (On a personal note: I have had to live for years with this emotionally-numb
type feeling not due to adoption issues but because I was abused and forced to keep my feelings and the abuse a "secret"
Secrets DESTROY people! So does adoption! Adoption and the effects of it is the biggest kept secret of
As the child becomes an adolescent he will have great difficulty establishing a sense of self because he will have no sense
of his true history or heritage.
As the child becomes an adult, he may have trouble choosing a career and a mate due to his fear of committment and abandonment.
The child's adopters may not acknowledge that raising an adopted child is different from raising a child of their own.
The adopters want to pretend that the child they raised is not adopted but their own child so they force the child to
live a lie by wiping out his past and changing his name and forcing the child to become like the adopters rather than
being allowed to be his own person. They will further burden the child by telling him that he should forget about his
natural parents and be greatful that they adopted him and gave him a home because the natural parents did not.
Nothing anyone says or does can ever make up for the loss of the child's first family!
The mother will not be able to change the past and undo the lifelong adverse effects of adoption on her child!
Research to back this up!
"I believe that the connection established during the nine months in utero is a profound connection,
and it is my hypothesis that the severing of that connection in the original separation of the adopted child from the birth
mother causes a primal or narcissistic wound, which affects the adoptee's sense of Self and often manifests in a sense of
loss, basic mistrust, anxiety and depression, emotional and/or behavioral problems, and difficulties in relationships with
" It is difficult to face the fact that by definition every adopted child is an abandoned
child, who has suffered a devastating loss. No matter that the adoptive parents call it relinquishment and the birth mother
calls it surrender, the child experiences it as abandonment.
" The trauma of being separated from the mother, therefore, results in patterns of behavior,
emotional responses, and the sense of Self and others, which will be different from that which would have occurred had there
been no trauma.
" It can no longer be assumed that one can replace the biological mother with another
"primary caregiver" without the child’s being both aware of the substitution and traumatized by it. The mother/infant
bond takes many forms and the communication between them is unconscious, instinctual, and intuitive."
Nancy Newton Verrier, Ph.D, "The Primal Wound"